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Archive for May, 2010

Eating habits

I have to brag, though it’s sad that it’s something to brag about: tonight we went out for dinner, and 5 hours later I was hungry again! That never happens; I always stuff myself to bursting, sometimes to the point where I’m still full 7 or even 8 hours later.

Granted, I had a halibut over what was basically a salad (and a baked potato, but I didn’t even come close to finishing that), so it wasn’t the most filling meal (and I didn’t intend to have a salad-type meal; I was more interested in the fish), but doesn’t it count for something that, much as I love baked potatoes, I refrained from eating the whole thing because I was already full? It wasn’t even that difficult to stop. I kind of remembered how uncomfortable it is to be overfull, and how long it lasts, but mostly I just didn’t even want to eat any more. That means my whole body is adjusting; it’s not necessary to exert willpower as much because I am changing my body chemistry. And that’s really good, because my willpower is shit.

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It is an interesting, and somewhat surreal, experience to see your belly pop occasionally. This kid has an amazing ability to sense when I look away — I think my stomach muscles move differently depending on how I hold my head — but I’ve managed to catch her a few times. Two nights ago, I put together a list of songs and lyrics to sing to her (I tend to forget all the songs I know), and she responded heartily through most of my singing and playing songs on my computer for about two hours. I can’t tell if she really likes it or if she’s trying to get me to shut up so she can sleep…

I spent a fair amount of time at work yesterday jiggling or poking my belly in different ways and places and watching her respond; it seemed that I got the most and strongest activity from new stimuli, and she gets tired fairly quickly. One of the first and strongest kicks moved my whole belly to the side, deforming it briefly; it was …odd. And truly incredible.

I’m glad I never saw the Alien movies.

I can now feel her moving a lot more, sometimes — just barely — when she’s just moving around and not kicking out. At first it was once a week or so, if I was in just the right position…then it was every couple of days, then it was minor activity most days with the occasional strong kick, and now it’s a few strong kicks and then a bunch smaller ones every couple of hours.

Once last night, Patch sat on my lap for a bit, settling himself almost on top of the left side of my belly. He didn’t stay there long, though, and I don’t know if it was the heat or the fact that the baby favored him with a few strong hits to the ribs. Later on, she was kicking again, so I called C over and we watched together. Of course the cat had to come over and see what was going on, and because we were having a Together Moment, he had to park his furry attention-whore butt right between us. But C got to see a few kicks anyway, since most of the activity was up top. Kicks below my belly button aren’t as visible, as far as I can tell.

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Week 25 milestone

C felt the baby kick yesterday.

We were in the car on the way back to the hotel at the end of the day after his sister’s graduation. The little monkey was bouncing around rather enthusiastically after a few quiet days, so I took his hand and put it on the top of my belly where I’ve felt her kick before. It only took a few minutes before she popped one of my organs and he felt the kick. Though I could barely see it in the light from oncoming traffic, I’ll never forget his incredulous smile.

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Understanding

I don’t know how I managed to not figure this out before.

In all the reading I’ve done, I’ve seen mentioned a few times that your digestion slows down during pregnancy so that you can get more nutrients out of your food. But somehow I avoided understanding what that would mean on a daily basis — what it would feel like. Well…

What it feels like is this: When I eat enough to fill me up, or what would have been an appropriately-sized dinner before my stomach got squished by my large uterus, I am full for many hours afterward. I ate dinner yesterday at about 7ish and when I went to bed at 11, I was still so full that getting up from my chair gave me heartburn. Even after drinking a bit of milk, I could only lie on my left side or I would get more heartburn.

What it means is that I can eat less without worrying about not getting enough out of my food. Maybe if I get into the habit of eating very little for the next 3.5 months, I will be able to continue the habit after the birth, and that would make it easier to lose weight. (I am slowly internalizing the fact that my lack of weight loss is primarily caused by eating too much. No matter how much you exercise, if you eat too much, you won’t lose weight. And I don’t exercise much.)

It also means that I should eat a lot more salad, if for no other reason than a salad might actually fill me up for a change.

Another thing I understand as of this morning: going for a walk, even just a 30-minute one, definitely helps me sleep. I woke up refreshed this morning for the first time in at least a week.

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Various tidbits

Today marks week 24. Three more weeks of the second trimester! I’m growing out of one pair of maternity jeans already — not only are they tight around the thighs and butt (which horrifies me — no no NO, I am NOT gaining weight anywhere but my chest and belly! LA LA LA), but they are also tight on the belly when I sit down. So I guess these are my second-trimester jeans. :-/

I’m hoping that they will be useful after the birth for a significant period of time…but then again, what I’m really hoping is that I’ll be able to wear them for about a week before: oops! I’ve lost so much weight that they’re too loose! Oh darn.

The upside of the tightness, though, is that I can feel the baby kick better. And I haven’t found anything to suggest that a little tightness is bad for the baby, so…

~

So I went looking for a new bra yesterday and was sorely disappointed. I think I’ll go again today, but to Kohl’s this time — that seems to be the only store that has bras I can wear. Hopefully they have nursing bras, but I don’t know if this one even has a maternity section.

I also tried on two maternity dresses, which looked cute on the hangar but made me feel like a whale for the first time this whole pregnancy. I mean, I felt fat the other day, but I didn’t feel HUGE. C attempted to comfort me (I think) by reminding me that I am a carrier, but that only made me think of an aircraft carrier…which I’m not convinced was not what he was thinking of in the first place…

What IS it with the necklines of maternity clothes? One of the dresses was so low-cut that my bra was clearly visible. This seems to be a common theme.

~

Today I discovered stretch marks. Let me explain a bit:

I have been looking at my belly, expecting stretch marks to show up at the most obviously bigger (to me) part: the top. Considering that I know where my uterus is and how it is expanding, this is a rather stupid assumption. I had just begun to think, this week, that maybe I would get lucky and not have many marks. Ha ha, she says, eyeing her stretch marks from puberty…

I was lying down, prodding my belly to find how far up my uterus goes, when C came over, looked at my belly, and said something like, “hmm, you have …veins….” I managed to get a glimpse of the lower section of belly and made a kind of horrified sound. Stretch marks! BIG ones! A LOT of them! There must be five or six of them on each side.

He took a picture so I could get the full effect. The saturation made it look worse than it is — my skin looked white and the marks looked really red, but it’s not really that bad. Don’t ask, it’s been deleted.

~

I am still occasionally craving chocolate pudding. This time, the fetus wants it for breakfast. I would prefer a Wendy’s double…which I think I may have. With a Frosty, of course.

Time to go hit up Kohl’s. I really don’t want to go back to Motherhood Maternity with their eminently shitty return policy, but I may end up there if I can’t find another store with nursing bras that fit >_<

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For the first time since I started showing — hell, since I got pregnant — I feel fat. Fatter than I have ever felt, and not least because I know that, not counting the pregnancy weight, I am fatter than I’ve ever been by at least ten pounds.

I can’t stay that I cannot control my eating, but my hold on it is only tenuous. My appetite is through the fucking roof, and it doesn’t matter whether I feel hungry or not. I haven’t felt hungry except in the mornings for a very long time, because I just keep eating all the time. Oddly enough, though, the majority of my extra weight was gained around the holidays and in January. But I think I’ve gained about four pounds this last month, and I should have only gained two.

I eat way too much sugar. I have to stop this. But I keep craving it. Why can’t I crave salad? I have to force myself to get a salad, but once I have it in front of me I devour it because of my crazy appetite. I’ll have to remind myself of this more often.

I went for a walk today for the first time in about two weeks, I think. I want to go for another one, but my Vibrams give me a blister in between my big toe and the next one on the pad of my foot which takes about a day to go away. In addition, I do not like the sensation of swollen hands, which I get about halfway through a half-hour walk. Maybe I’ll try and make a habit of 15 minutes at lunch and 15 minutes when I get home.

I could ride, but my butt gets sore on the seat and I’m just so tired. I’m not even that tired, I’m just a little tired, but it’s constant and therefore demoralizing. I can’t move like I used to, possibly more because I haven’t been exercising much at all than due to the pregnancy, which makes me feel fat and gross.

So yeah. Blah. Okay, I’m done complaining now, gonna go shoot some stuff in Borderlands.

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