Archive for the ‘Weight’ Category

I’m going to try and track progress here; we’ll see how often I actually get around to updating but I think it’ll help me keep track of my mental state and other things you can’t track on your iPod app. Because I just found a really neat one, and it’s free too — something like “my fitness pal.”

I’ve been surprised to find that the iPod Touch that C no longer uses and therefore gave to me just gets more and more useful. I found a neat sudoku teaching app, which was a couple of bucks, but since I use it while feeding Kaelie and I’ve learned a bunch of advanced techniques that I couldn’t have learned from the incomprehensible sudoku wiki, I think it’s worth it. Still have lots of questions (why can you determine that about this cell but not that one? How do you find that arrangement?), but I’m learning. I’ve also found lots of free books through iBooks from Project Gutenberg, and there are a few nice apps for recipes, which are helping me get into cooking, about which I am very excited. And there’s a reddit app and a woot.com app and of course…Cut the Rope, which is the cutest little game you’ll ever see and if you have never played it you are seriously missing out. It costs a dollar, though I’d pay $20 for it if it cost that much. Then again, if it cost that much, I’d never have tried it in the first place.

Anyway, I also found a nice little app for managing to-do lists, which I’m still working on filling with all the shit I have to do, and that fitness app looks dead useful. It has tons — TONS — of nutritional information, and it tracks calories for you, and all kinds of progress, and it’ll graph it out for you too. I think this is going to be very helpful, and I’m actually kind of glad that I ate too much at our weekly get-together dinner last night and was over 180 again this morning so I told myself, “no, you can’t claim it was just a one-time fuck-up. Start your damned food diary like you said you would if you went back over 180 pounds in the morning, because you already ignored your own requirements like three times. Start the damned food diary. It’ll be good for you.”

So I started writing stuff down in a notebook like I did before. And a few hours later, I picked up my iPod to use while feeding the baby, and thought, “hang on, I should just use the notes feature instead of using lots of paper. Wait a minute…I wonder if there’s a free app that I might actually use for tracking food intake?” And sure enough…

This app will also help me make a habit of weighing out my portions now that I have a scale for that purpose (thanks Mom!), because you have to tell it the number of servings, and I think it’ll really help me connect the amount of food on my plate to the number of calories in it. And if I have to weigh out my portions, well that kind of means I should cook, huh?

I’m really getting excited to do this. I can’t wait to see a nice steady decline on that weight graph.

What else has been in my head?

The baby’s sleeping. That’s been on my mind a lot, because I stopped trying to lie in bed for as long as possible in the mornings because I felt like a bum and like the day was half gone by the time I got up. So I started getting up with the baby in the morning instead of taking her back to bed with me to nurse her. But doing that, I learned that she doesn’t actually sleep past dawn, and sometimes she won’t sleep to dawn…so I thought, why not? Well, it probably has something to do with the fact that I put her to bed at 6 pm.

I do this for a reason, of course: she’s cranky as hell come 5:30 pm, and since it’s dark by 6 still, she’ll stay asleep (as opposed to the daytime, when she wakes up after less than 30 minutes if you put her down), and after being up with her the whole day and sitting still for 4-5 hours total while she naps on me, I am glad to get some much-needed Me Time, or Husband Time, or really, just to be able to move around and do stuff without having to stop and entertain an often-cranky baby every ten minutes. I only have so many things to do on my iPod or my computer, and I can’t comfortably knit with her on the Boppy on my lap. I wouldn’t say I get bored, but I am starting to get restless.

So here’s how it’s been. At her first appointment with the pediatrician when she was 4 days old, he said that if we didn’t try to keep her awake with eyes open as much as possible during the day, within two weeks we’d regret it since she’d likely not learn that night is for sleep and day is for awake. So we did. And she did learn, first sleeping through the night by 2 months of age. However, about the same time, she stopped staying asleep for longer than 30 minutes at a time during the day…unless she was on somebody who was sitting still, but could rock her back to sleep when she stirred.

Three months later, I am sick of sitting still when this baby needs a nap. My lady bits are not yet healed, and sitting immobile for 2 hours at a time, even in the very comfortable glider we bought for this purpose, is not doing me any favors. So this week, I am going to very likely put us both through hell as I try setting her down in her crib for her naps. Every time she gets cranky I will nurse her to sleep, wait progressively less time, and set her in her crib. I will do this until Friday, and then reevaluate…assuming I make it that far.

It’s very possible that I’m setting us both up for failure here. I should probably continue the current napping arrangement for another week while I see what happens when we wait for 8 pm to put her to bed, especially since we’ve kind of built up a schedule for after bedtime — I go to the gym at 8 pm Mondays and Thursdays, and we have friends over on Fridays just after she goes to bed, though I think it’ll actually be better with the new bedtime since she doesn’t have trouble falling or staying asleep because of the extra noise. I suspect that the reason she often wakes up after we put her to bed, and needs to be put back to sleep (often by an increasingly weary dad with increasingly painful eardrums), is that we’re simply putting her to bed too early. And Sunday dinner will be easier too, and we should shortly be able to go back to our weekly evening dinners with the Es (our friends with the now 15-month-old daughter) because it won’t be three hours past K’s bedtime when we get home.

But I’m impatient to get this fixed, to get done things that I have been meaning to get done since we moved in, to have a clean damned house for a change, to baby-proof the house so the Es can bring their toddler over with a lower likelihood that she’ll destroy something of value, eat cat food, or injure herself.

So, starting Monday, I will both set her down for naps and leave the lights on until 8 pm. And we’ll see what happens.

I’m learning that a lot of parenting is “seeing what happens.”


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More goals

The good news: I saw 179.5 on the scale a few days ago! When I saw that number, I really started to feel like I can actually do this.

The bad news: it was only once (though I haven’t been above 180.5 for at least a week now), and tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. So tomorrow I begin my food journal again. It might be more useful now that I have a scale (Mom got me one for Christmas; it has nutritional information for a bunch of foods, which is pretty neat) and can weigh out exactly how much dried fruit I am putting on my oatmeal.

Other news: I have begun going back to the gym and boy does it feel good to be working out again. I am down to the bar with squats, but I’m getting better with my form so I hope to add some weight soon. I can bench 85 with 8 reps, 90 on cable back row (I don’t think I lost anything there, not really that surprising considering I pick up and put down a 14-pound baby all day), and I can do dips with 120 assist, which is close to where I was before, I think, especially since I’m a couple pounds heavier than I was then. I’ve also been spending time on the elliptical, since I can get a higher heart rate with much less impact than running. I also plan to restart walking in my FiveFingers outside when it gets warm again, which will lead to running, and I can’t wait to run outside in my VFFs around the park now that we live a couple of blocks away. So I need to get in better cardiovascular shape, and lose a fair amount of weight so as not to hurt my knees again, before it gets warm.

This week’s goals:

  1. Not going back over 179.5 after Friday, preferably Wednesday.
  2. 15 minutes of 20/90+ on the elliptical (I did 15 yesterday; it kept my heart rate at a steady 160 according to the machine)
  3. Bench/back row/dips or lateral pulldowns/overhead press/squats/lunges on Monday, Thursday, and Saturday, with 30 minutes of elliptical on Tuesday for certain and Friday if schedule permits, Sunday otherwise.
  4. Cook at least one real dinner. Probably with quinoa and ground beef, maybe some broccoli. Ooh, and mushrooms and onion. Maybe use those carrots…

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New Year’s resolutions

I’m a bit late posting this, but better than not posting it at all since putting it up (even where I’m pretty much the only person who sees it) will help cement the ideas in my mind.

My first resolution is to lose one pound per week. So far I’ve failed, but I’m not giving up yet. I’ve changed my eating habits — I’m now eating better and less than I was before. This is a huge step for me. I think if I haven’t dropped below 180 (currently I’m about 182; I weigh myself in the mornings before I take anything in) consistently by Valentine’s Day, I’m going to start up my food diary again. It really helped during my pregnancy, though I quit after the baby was born because I had too much else to deal with.

My second resolution is to run a 5k in 30 minutes or less by June. I actually made this resolution last year, for this one, but I couldn’t have foreseen how long it would take me to recover from childbirth. I intended to start working out again about three months ago. I’m not sure if I’ll make it, since I still have a fair amount of healing to do and it’ll be longer if I start running now, but I’ll definitely do it by the end of this year.

My third resolution is to run a ten-minute mile. I don’t know if I ever have. Before I got pregnant, I could run for a full mile but only if I was barely jogging.

To accomplish these goals, last Monday I went to the gym for the first time in nearly a year. A bunch of my friends have been working out at one particular gym for the last couple of months, so I got a membership there just before K was due, expecting to begin using it no more than two months after she was born (and probably sooner). Well, I failed at that, but I’m going now.

And my god, am I ever stiff! I did squats on Monday with just the bar, for form practice, and my stabilizers are practically useless. I was on my toes the whole way up every time. And though I felt SO GOOD afterwards, my legs were jellified from that point on.

But that didn’t stop me from going back the next morning for cardio. My friends go for cardio in the mornings three days a week in addition to the three days of weights in the evenings, and I was all endorphinated so I said sure, I’ll be here at 6:30 am! And since I said I would be, I did go. Spent about five minutes on the elliptical (which is weird) before a treadmill opened up and I walked for fifteen minutes. I wanted to run but I reminded myself that I’m taking it easy to start with since I’m still healing, and that I don’t want to overdo it and be the fat chick who falls off the back of the treadmill because her legs were still jelly from the squats the night before.

All-in-all, a pretty good start, I think. I’m going back for cardio tomorrow morning, though since I had some swelling I think I’ll lay off the squats for now and stick with upper body for lifting.

Damn, it feels good to be getting back.

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Eating habits

I have to brag, though it’s sad that it’s something to brag about: tonight we went out for dinner, and 5 hours later I was hungry again! That never happens; I always stuff myself to bursting, sometimes to the point where I’m still full 7 or even 8 hours later.

Granted, I had a halibut over what was basically a salad (and a baked potato, but I didn’t even come close to finishing that), so it wasn’t the most filling meal (and I didn’t intend to have a salad-type meal; I was more interested in the fish), but doesn’t it count for something that, much as I love baked potatoes, I refrained from eating the whole thing because I was already full? It wasn’t even that difficult to stop. I kind of remembered how uncomfortable it is to be overfull, and how long it lasts, but mostly I just didn’t even want to eat any more. That means my whole body is adjusting; it’s not necessary to exert willpower as much because I am changing my body chemistry. And that’s really good, because my willpower is shit.

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For the first time since I started showing — hell, since I got pregnant — I feel fat. Fatter than I have ever felt, and not least because I know that, not counting the pregnancy weight, I am fatter than I’ve ever been by at least ten pounds.

I can’t stay that I cannot control my eating, but my hold on it is only tenuous. My appetite is through the fucking roof, and it doesn’t matter whether I feel hungry or not. I haven’t felt hungry except in the mornings for a very long time, because I just keep eating all the time. Oddly enough, though, the majority of my extra weight was gained around the holidays and in January. But I think I’ve gained about four pounds this last month, and I should have only gained two.

I eat way too much sugar. I have to stop this. But I keep craving it. Why can’t I crave salad? I have to force myself to get a salad, but once I have it in front of me I devour it because of my crazy appetite. I’ll have to remind myself of this more often.

I went for a walk today for the first time in about two weeks, I think. I want to go for another one, but my Vibrams give me a blister in between my big toe and the next one on the pad of my foot which takes about a day to go away. In addition, I do not like the sensation of swollen hands, which I get about halfway through a half-hour walk. Maybe I’ll try and make a habit of 15 minutes at lunch and 15 minutes when I get home.

I could ride, but my butt gets sore on the seat and I’m just so tired. I’m not even that tired, I’m just a little tired, but it’s constant and therefore demoralizing. I can’t move like I used to, possibly more because I haven’t been exercising much at all than due to the pregnancy, which makes me feel fat and gross.

So yeah. Blah. Okay, I’m done complaining now, gonna go shoot some stuff in Borderlands.

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