Our first prenatal appointments were a bit of a letdown. I was really hoping to hear the baby’s heartbeat, but apparently my uterus hasn’t popped out yet so it can’t be heard on the doppler. We have another appointment in about three weeks, including a sonogram, and we should be able to hear it then.
The first appointment, two days ago, was with the nurse to fill out paperwork, learn about the hospital, and do a glucose and a few blood tests. Everything came back fine, for which I’m thankful, because based on the science I’ve read regarding gestational diabetes, it doesn’t even mean anything for most women since it’s not actual diabetes, but it can still get you labeled high-risk and then a lot of stuff is out of your control.
Yesterday, we talked about a lot of stuff, made more appointments. One of the appointments is to get more information about the screenings. There’s a first trimester screening for chromosomal abnormalities like trisomies (Down’s syndrome, Edward’s, etc) and a second trimester quad screening for those and for neural tube defects. I’m not sure if we want to get the second trimester screening, because I don’t want to have an abortion after the first trimester. But I don’t know what we’d do…I don’t think I can take care of somebody, even my own child, for the rest of my life, but I guess if I had to, I would. It’s my child, after all. This is the risk we take. And I think I’d rather have the child than abort so late. It just doesn’t seem right.
I’m (obviously) still uncertain about all of this. My normal approach, reason, is fuzzy and somewhat unhelpful here. Usually, I’m far enough away from the grey areas that I don’t have to draw the lines. So if I start away from the lines…a baby with only the brain stem isn’t going to survive, will never be conscious, and is, neurologically, a reptile, if that. Clearly, aborting …that… at any stage isn’t killing a child. But a person with Down’s is still a person; they are aware and able to use language, take in information, make choices.
Hopefully we won’t have to deal with any of this.