For the first time since I started showing — hell, since I got pregnant — I feel fat. Fatter than I have ever felt, and not least because I know that, not counting the pregnancy weight, I am fatter than I’ve ever been by at least ten pounds.
I can’t stay that I cannot control my eating, but my hold on it is only tenuous. My appetite is through the fucking roof, and it doesn’t matter whether I feel hungry or not. I haven’t felt hungry except in the mornings for a very long time, because I just keep eating all the time. Oddly enough, though, the majority of my extra weight was gained around the holidays and in January. But I think I’ve gained about four pounds this last month, and I should have only gained two.
I eat way too much sugar. I have to stop this. But I keep craving it. Why can’t I crave salad? I have to force myself to get a salad, but once I have it in front of me I devour it because of my crazy appetite. I’ll have to remind myself of this more often.
I went for a walk today for the first time in about two weeks, I think. I want to go for another one, but my Vibrams give me a blister in between my big toe and the next one on the pad of my foot which takes about a day to go away. In addition, I do not like the sensation of swollen hands, which I get about halfway through a half-hour walk. Maybe I’ll try and make a habit of 15 minutes at lunch and 15 minutes when I get home.
I could ride, but my butt gets sore on the seat and I’m just so tired. I’m not even that tired, I’m just a little tired, but it’s constant and therefore demoralizing. I can’t move like I used to, possibly more because I haven’t been exercising much at all than due to the pregnancy, which makes me feel fat and gross.
So yeah. Blah. Okay, I’m done complaining now, gonna go shoot some stuff in Borderlands.
Nettabird 